Historia Rasa

It is like completely gone by now but I still maintain some connection whose development are still traceable by me, I mean some connections that grow close to me. The rest of it, stopped at some point, leave me getting more and more alone in braving myself through these cold damn adulthood . But I am forever grateful not only for the connections that happen to be still in my side, to those which sadly had to be locked in a chest, I cherish you too, for all the best time we had.   There are many ways to see the today me, but this is the most common one 25 year old rookie researcher who eat a little too much and never dated anybody. In this developing country, not having any thoughts about marriage at my age has been considered troubles ome. Some of my friends are having their second kids. Averagely are just engaged or recently married. Every time I bumped into old folks, these are like their first question s : “So which boy you are dating now? Has anyone ask ed to marry you?”

Aku membayangkannya seperti Dubai atau Singapura, meski tidak satupun dari tempat itu pernah kukunjungi. Purnama sedang penuh ketika aku di sana. Senjanya menyengat. Kita menyesapnya habis dari beberapa buah jendela apartemen tua di belakang Cathédrale de la Major. Wine murah dan spaghetti yang berasa seperti poivre noir dan tomat.  Selain momen-momen ketika matahari sudah redup atau di bawah bayang-bayang teduh atau bangunan besar, Marseille terlalu silau untuk diingat. Siang harinya adalah kilasan-kilasan dengan setting vignette putih dan kecerahan tinggi. Aku hanya bisa mendengar derai-derai tawa di lorong-lorong di Le Panier yang menggema. Semua itu terjadi cepat, lebih cepat dari hanya dua hari yang kita habiskan di sana. Tahu-tahu, Marseille kabur dari balik jendela bis, digantikan deret-deret kebun anggur di kampung-kampung Perancis Selatan yang aku tak tahu namanya, menyisakan hati yang menyayat dirinya sendiri diam-diam.  Apakah aku berbicara sendiri atau yang kemarin itu betu